How many monsters have you created? Have you made monsters out of your children, your close friends, your significant others? We all have the ability to do so. Realizing the power we hold in all of our relationships is half the battle. It gives us perspective and the opportunity to cool off and calm down after an unpleasant encounter with one of our self-made monsters.
We make monsters out of our children by saying one thing and doing another. "Do as I say and not as I do" has no place in a parenting relationship. You punish them for lying while they watch you tell the bill collector on the phone that you're not home. We then sit back helplessly and wonder what went wrong when we get called by teacher after teacher about our child's less than honorable behavior...that's our monster.
We can also create "big bad wolves" out of our partners. "He didn't act that way when we first started dating!" He sure didn't. In the beginning of your union he didn't have his shortcomings thrown in his face on a regular basis... and you also didn't talk so loosely about your disdain for his mother. That happened over time. A person's sensitivity, vulnerability and heartstrings are only up for the taking when they feel safe. Our constant obsession over the negative will make even the best of people grow fangs and start howling.
So do we just suck it up and live miserably with our monsters? NO...we realize the negative effects of our behavior and make changes. Just like we create monsters, we can reverse terrible patterns by gaining clarity. Deciding what we want from other people. If you want support; give support. If you want respect; give respect. If you want to make productive citizens out your children; show them how to do it. The monsters that lived under our beds when we were little eventually went away, but the monsters that walk through life with us only get bigger and harrier as time goes on.
Let's take spring cleaning to a whole new level and do some monster cleaning. Let's clean the closets, take out the trash, wash the clothes and pay special attention to what's under our beds. Are there any monsters? If so, make changes or show them the door. We don't have any room for them. Let's face it; they don't make good loved ones...and they don't pay any bills.
Wednesday, August 26, 2009
Monday, August 24, 2009
So Serious
How do people know that you are serious? Do you scream and shout and throw things? Do you give a silent treatment so superb that a mime would be jealous? Do you put your loved ones on punishment to let them know the severity of the situation? I have done all of the above at one point or another and none of them have proven to be quite effective.
I think that people know you're serious when you know you're serious. I can't count how many times I have been "serious" about getting into the best shape of my life, "serious" about getting into the kitchen (and cooking...not eating), "serious" about keeping in touch with good friends and "serious" about not tolerating anymore disrespectful behavior by people who are supposed to be in my corner. Just like the word "love," I am convinced that we use the word "serious" too loosely. If people know that your "serious" is a joke...they will continue to laugh as you kick, scream and shout.
I am changing the dictionary; I now consider "serious" an action verb. My serious will no longer be up for debate or discussion. If you want to know if I'm "serious"...just watch me. Our character should no longer be a guessing game. Life is so much easier when your intentions are clear as day and unquestionably genuine. No pressure...just real talk.
Since we are all about writing our OWN song, this should come as a welcomed challenge to all the Prima Donnas. Now I'm about to go figure out what I want to cook for dinner...I'm joking.
I think that people know you're serious when you know you're serious. I can't count how many times I have been "serious" about getting into the best shape of my life, "serious" about getting into the kitchen (and cooking...not eating), "serious" about keeping in touch with good friends and "serious" about not tolerating anymore disrespectful behavior by people who are supposed to be in my corner. Just like the word "love," I am convinced that we use the word "serious" too loosely. If people know that your "serious" is a joke...they will continue to laugh as you kick, scream and shout.
I am changing the dictionary; I now consider "serious" an action verb. My serious will no longer be up for debate or discussion. If you want to know if I'm "serious"...just watch me. Our character should no longer be a guessing game. Life is so much easier when your intentions are clear as day and unquestionably genuine. No pressure...just real talk.
Since we are all about writing our OWN song, this should come as a welcomed challenge to all the Prima Donnas. Now I'm about to go figure out what I want to cook for dinner...I'm joking.
Saturday, August 22, 2009
Back to the Basics
Since I am on a journey to rekindle my relationship with my bleeding heart, I decided to take a trip down memory lane and do some research. The first person that came to mind was my aunt. I never talk about my aunt and it is completely intentional. I know talking about her means I have to acknowledge the fact that she is no longer here and although it has been almost 7 years, I haven't accepted it. I still talk to her, I still think about her everyday and I always wonder "what would she do?"
She had a bleeding heart. Her heart was too big and I think a little too passionate to stay on this earth. I remember staying at her house one day and she asked me what I wanted from the store. As I look back, I'm sure she meant what type of candy bar or chips, but with all of the innocence in the world I answered...tap shoes. And you know what? We jumped right in the car and we went to the mall where she purchased my first pair of tap shoes. That's just who she was. She lived to please others and never wanted to feel that she hadn't done enough.
She left me when I was a senior in college. We buried her on what felt like one of the coldest days on earth. She knew she was leaving me. I know that because I received a phone call from her a few months earlier and she pretty much laid down the law. She had been sick for a while but her voice sounded particularly strong this day. As soon as I answered the phone she made me promise to listen up and take notes. "Don't work too much in life, you have everyday to do that." OK "It's ok to get up in the morning, get dressed for work, drop the kids off...and then...go to the mall!" OK "Oh, and DON'T get married or give your life to someone before it's time." OH...OK
See the thing is, I was actually planning a wedding for that fall. I thought I was the only one that knew I wasn't ready to get married, but I guess I was wrong. I was never given a chance to have a follow-up chat with her. The next call I received about my aunt was from my brother telling me that her heart had stopped. I guess that bleeding heart had had enough. The doctors were able to revive her and she lived another 6 weeks as family member after family member traveled into town to say their goodbyes. I got to hold her hand and tell her how much I loved her...I also got the chance to tell her that I had called off the wedding and felt more alive than I had ever felt.
She gave me permission to go against the grain. To live my life in a way that was fulfilling to me. If anything, I owe it to her to give it a real go. To live everyday like the next isn't promised. She taught me to never apologize for my feelings and to take pride in the things that made me different. I never saw her bite her tongue or give up the chance to give HERSELF a compliment. I always thought that was so cool. Yeah, that's what we should all do; take the time to compliment ourselves everyday. I'll go first: My nails are looking particularly nice today - your turn...
She had a bleeding heart. Her heart was too big and I think a little too passionate to stay on this earth. I remember staying at her house one day and she asked me what I wanted from the store. As I look back, I'm sure she meant what type of candy bar or chips, but with all of the innocence in the world I answered...tap shoes. And you know what? We jumped right in the car and we went to the mall where she purchased my first pair of tap shoes. That's just who she was. She lived to please others and never wanted to feel that she hadn't done enough.
She left me when I was a senior in college. We buried her on what felt like one of the coldest days on earth. She knew she was leaving me. I know that because I received a phone call from her a few months earlier and she pretty much laid down the law. She had been sick for a while but her voice sounded particularly strong this day. As soon as I answered the phone she made me promise to listen up and take notes. "Don't work too much in life, you have everyday to do that." OK "It's ok to get up in the morning, get dressed for work, drop the kids off...and then...go to the mall!" OK "Oh, and DON'T get married or give your life to someone before it's time." OH...OK
See the thing is, I was actually planning a wedding for that fall. I thought I was the only one that knew I wasn't ready to get married, but I guess I was wrong. I was never given a chance to have a follow-up chat with her. The next call I received about my aunt was from my brother telling me that her heart had stopped. I guess that bleeding heart had had enough. The doctors were able to revive her and she lived another 6 weeks as family member after family member traveled into town to say their goodbyes. I got to hold her hand and tell her how much I loved her...I also got the chance to tell her that I had called off the wedding and felt more alive than I had ever felt.
She gave me permission to go against the grain. To live my life in a way that was fulfilling to me. If anything, I owe it to her to give it a real go. To live everyday like the next isn't promised. She taught me to never apologize for my feelings and to take pride in the things that made me different. I never saw her bite her tongue or give up the chance to give HERSELF a compliment. I always thought that was so cool. Yeah, that's what we should all do; take the time to compliment ourselves everyday. I'll go first: My nails are looking particularly nice today - your turn...
Friday, August 21, 2009
To Be Continued
I have a bleeding heart. As a matter of fact, I have always had a bleeding heart and have finally realized it 27 years into life. There are a lot of consequences for having a bleeding heart when you are unaware. You make a lot of bad decisions that only get cleared up after a substantial amount of pain and heartache. Has life been terrible? Absolutely not, and my bleeding heart (along with my awesome parents) made my childhood as close to perfect as humanly possible. The passion that I approached everyday with was nothing short of remarkable. I didn't start realizing that there was a negative side of bad decision-making until my safety net was abruptly removed from under me as I started life on my own as a young adult. So I really wasn't going to marry my high school sweetheart? Somebody can actually cheat on me...and will...more than once? OH, you really can get pregnant if you have unprotected sex...even if you beg and plead and promise not to ever do it again? WOW. Yes, it all sounds silly now, but try telling my 19-year old heart that.
Life sure has a way of killing the fairytale. Accepting jobs that have absolutely nothing to do with any class you spent thousands of dollars to take, realizing that all those snicker bars you ate now actually show up on your hips and thighs, and most crushing for me, having to acknowledge that in any relationship (that I have been in at least) the butterflies actually do go away and you have to make the choice to either grow your love up into that mature love that the Bible, your pastor and your grandparents always talk about or run away and make yourself available again to feel your stomach and heart sink altogether just one more time.
I'm going to give my bleeding heart another shot. It has been on punishment for the past couple of years so to speak. I have been ignoring it because I didn't know how to control it. It was always getting me in trouble. But what I have come to realize is that there is nothing wrong with my bleeding heart as long as I master the fine art of balance. The practical with the magical. This will only be accomplished by the priceless art of remaining completely honest at all times. How do I feel? How should I feel? Where's the balance?
I am determined to get to know the girl who has been disappointed before, but knew how to fully love; the girl who worked really hard, but enjoyed every minute of her workday; the girl who held an infant baby in her arms almost 8 years ago and promised to approach life with an intense amount of sensibility with the spirit of an innocent child . She's somewhere...I just have to find her.
Life sure has a way of killing the fairytale. Accepting jobs that have absolutely nothing to do with any class you spent thousands of dollars to take, realizing that all those snicker bars you ate now actually show up on your hips and thighs, and most crushing for me, having to acknowledge that in any relationship (that I have been in at least) the butterflies actually do go away and you have to make the choice to either grow your love up into that mature love that the Bible, your pastor and your grandparents always talk about or run away and make yourself available again to feel your stomach and heart sink altogether just one more time.
I'm going to give my bleeding heart another shot. It has been on punishment for the past couple of years so to speak. I have been ignoring it because I didn't know how to control it. It was always getting me in trouble. But what I have come to realize is that there is nothing wrong with my bleeding heart as long as I master the fine art of balance. The practical with the magical. This will only be accomplished by the priceless art of remaining completely honest at all times. How do I feel? How should I feel? Where's the balance?
I am determined to get to know the girl who has been disappointed before, but knew how to fully love; the girl who worked really hard, but enjoyed every minute of her workday; the girl who held an infant baby in her arms almost 8 years ago and promised to approach life with an intense amount of sensibility with the spirit of an innocent child . She's somewhere...I just have to find her.
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