Life is a lot like a marathon. You want to do the best you can and you want to clock-in with a great time...but in the end...you really just want to finish. I've been thinking a lot about marathons since I have decided to run a 1/2 marathon in just 10 short days. Who runs a marathon just a couple of months after having life-threatening surgery? I guess the same people who don't give up on their troubled marriage, the same people who get excited about a job interview after hearing "no" for a year straight, the same people who have faith...and trust God.
Due to my surgery, I have yet to gain full use of my core muscles, I'm about (fill in the blank) pounds heavier than the average marathon runner, and I have only been sticking to a strict workout regimen for about 5 weeks - but I'm still going to run. The fact that I'm alive and well enough to type and think in my right mind is enough to prove that the devil didn't win and that God got the victory - but running this marathon will just rub it in his face.
This year has been challenging. So much so that some of you are reading this and nodding your head right along with me because you know what I've been through. The rest of you will know later when I move out of the "test" phase and into my "testimony." He has healed me but I know my God and I believe that there is much more to come.
As my pastor likes to say, God didn't deliver me out of the fire - He decided to help me walk in it. That's the attitude I'm taking with me on race day. I'm inexperienced, not in the best shape, nervous and anxious...but also certain that He is going to show up and show out. Would God really get all of the glory out of a seasoned vet?
Remember that next time you find yourself in the "hard part" of the marathon we call life. Yes, you are right - you can't do it on your own, and as a matter of fact, you were never supposed to. He promised to walk with us every step of the way and I have taken Him up on that offer. He will be right beside me (and sometimes in front of me pulling me along) next Sunday, today and all of my days. Hmmm the marathon seems easier already:-)
Thursday, December 3, 2009
Thursday, November 19, 2009
Muh
I can't believe I am doing this...but I said I was starting over and with starting over I am beginning to face my fears. With that being said...this is going to be hard.
5 years ago - my world STOPPED. The day started like any other; I was preparing to produce a LIVE television broadcast, learning how to be a single mom and dating a really great guy - but then my phone rang. Within 30 seconds I learned that my grandmother had suffered a stroke and my parents were headed out of town. Okay, okay...old people have strokes right? I'll see her at Thanksgiving right? That's what got me through the weekend but it wouldn't get me through the week. My cousin picked up the phone at the hospital and said "she passed away at 2:52". I remember what I was wearing, the inflection in her voice and having to book that flight. I knew my life would never be the same.
As I headed out of town I realized that I barely had enough strength to get myself out of bed and raising a child on top of trying to build a romantic relationship was no longer an option for me. I broke up with that guy and poured all of the little energy I had into raising my daughter...and getting out of bed.
When I was concerned about the possibility of my daughter having a learning disability - it was my grandmother who told me that she was fine. When my father suffered a heart attack - it was my grandmother who told me that my "big-headed daddy" was going to be okay. When I was concerned about gaining too much weight - it was my grandmother who always told me I looked nice. When I had to tell my parents I was pregnant and convince them that I could handle it...it was my grandmother whom my dad referenced..."Well you do have a lot of 'Muh' in you - I know you'll be fine" - she was just that strong. Would you want to go on without her?
But I had to. Day by day I got a little bit more energy and gained more strength. I slept in her favorite bed the night before her funeral and as I laid there...I was reminded of how strong she was. I promised her that I would never shy away from the hardships of life and that I would always hold it down in her honor. My grandmother was a very strong woman and she made sure you knew it! I knew that I could never let her down and honestly throughout the years she has never let me down. I pull from her strength on a pretty regular basis.
So here I am five years later and I can hardly see the screen through my tears. But I'm not sad...I'm thankful. I'm thankful for getting the chance to meet her - let alone to have her blood run through me. I'm thankful for her memory and the family legacy that she left behind. I am also thankful for my loved ones who helped me grieve and for the strength of each and every one of my family members. I just hope she knows that she was right...my daughter doesn't have a learning disability and is actually one of the top students in her private school, my "big-headed daddy" is doing just fine and while I continue to work hard to stay physically fit...I must not be doing too bad since that really great guy I was dating at the time decided to wait on me...he gave me time to grieve and eventually asked for my hand in marriage. She might not have been physically at my ceremony but her spirit was...and fortunately and maybe sometimes unfortunately for my husband -- she still lives in me. I love you Muh - Happy Birthday.
5 years ago - my world STOPPED. The day started like any other; I was preparing to produce a LIVE television broadcast, learning how to be a single mom and dating a really great guy - but then my phone rang. Within 30 seconds I learned that my grandmother had suffered a stroke and my parents were headed out of town. Okay, okay...old people have strokes right? I'll see her at Thanksgiving right? That's what got me through the weekend but it wouldn't get me through the week. My cousin picked up the phone at the hospital and said "she passed away at 2:52". I remember what I was wearing, the inflection in her voice and having to book that flight. I knew my life would never be the same.
As I headed out of town I realized that I barely had enough strength to get myself out of bed and raising a child on top of trying to build a romantic relationship was no longer an option for me. I broke up with that guy and poured all of the little energy I had into raising my daughter...and getting out of bed.
When I was concerned about the possibility of my daughter having a learning disability - it was my grandmother who told me that she was fine. When my father suffered a heart attack - it was my grandmother who told me that my "big-headed daddy" was going to be okay. When I was concerned about gaining too much weight - it was my grandmother who always told me I looked nice. When I had to tell my parents I was pregnant and convince them that I could handle it...it was my grandmother whom my dad referenced..."Well you do have a lot of 'Muh' in you - I know you'll be fine" - she was just that strong. Would you want to go on without her?
But I had to. Day by day I got a little bit more energy and gained more strength. I slept in her favorite bed the night before her funeral and as I laid there...I was reminded of how strong she was. I promised her that I would never shy away from the hardships of life and that I would always hold it down in her honor. My grandmother was a very strong woman and she made sure you knew it! I knew that I could never let her down and honestly throughout the years she has never let me down. I pull from her strength on a pretty regular basis.
So here I am five years later and I can hardly see the screen through my tears. But I'm not sad...I'm thankful. I'm thankful for getting the chance to meet her - let alone to have her blood run through me. I'm thankful for her memory and the family legacy that she left behind. I am also thankful for my loved ones who helped me grieve and for the strength of each and every one of my family members. I just hope she knows that she was right...my daughter doesn't have a learning disability and is actually one of the top students in her private school, my "big-headed daddy" is doing just fine and while I continue to work hard to stay physically fit...I must not be doing too bad since that really great guy I was dating at the time decided to wait on me...he gave me time to grieve and eventually asked for my hand in marriage. She might not have been physically at my ceremony but her spirit was...and fortunately and maybe sometimes unfortunately for my husband -- she still lives in me. I love you Muh - Happy Birthday.
Sunday, November 1, 2009
Starting Over
I think starting over is the one thing I do the most often. I used to get frustrated at myself for having to have so many "do-overs", but if you don't occasionally need a "do-over" are you really learning? Learning what NOT to do is just as important as learning what to do. Some lessons are more effective when they are accompanied by a pain point. How many times did you have to touch the hot stove before you realized that it wasn't a good idea? Just once...I hope.
Okay, so the last diet didn't work, neither did spending only 45 minutes per week with God, and trusting that person again was definitely the wrong move. So now what? Do you start shopping for a larger size, decide that maybe God is just tired of you and stop trusting people altogether? You could...but why?
Focus on failures just long enough to decide what you did wrong and what you are going to do differently. Then try a more reasonable approach to fitness, get creative in finding ways to spend more time with God and be smarter about the people you allow to become a part of your life. See, starting over isn't so bad is it?
We were all blessed with different strengths and weaknesses (yes, weaknesses can be blessings) so there are some things we are going to get right the first time around; and yet there are other things that we have to "start over" with every time we wake up.
Today is Sunday, November 1, 2009. I need this day documented because once again I have decided to start over. Remember we as prima donnas are responsible for writing our own song - and my song was becoming too repetitive, anti-climatic and just plain dreary. Today begins verse 1 of my new song and for rest of the lyrics; you have to stay tuned - oh and don't forget to write your own.
Okay, so the last diet didn't work, neither did spending only 45 minutes per week with God, and trusting that person again was definitely the wrong move. So now what? Do you start shopping for a larger size, decide that maybe God is just tired of you and stop trusting people altogether? You could...but why?
Focus on failures just long enough to decide what you did wrong and what you are going to do differently. Then try a more reasonable approach to fitness, get creative in finding ways to spend more time with God and be smarter about the people you allow to become a part of your life. See, starting over isn't so bad is it?
We were all blessed with different strengths and weaknesses (yes, weaknesses can be blessings) so there are some things we are going to get right the first time around; and yet there are other things that we have to "start over" with every time we wake up.
Today is Sunday, November 1, 2009. I need this day documented because once again I have decided to start over. Remember we as prima donnas are responsible for writing our own song - and my song was becoming too repetitive, anti-climatic and just plain dreary. Today begins verse 1 of my new song and for rest of the lyrics; you have to stay tuned - oh and don't forget to write your own.
Thursday, October 15, 2009
Patience...Wimps Need Not Apply
Patience...what is that? Oh I know...it's that thing that I don't naturally have and always lose...yeah that's it. Honestly, I used to applaud myself for not going off on someone all the way or only huffing and puffing and not yelling my way through a conversation. Patience is much deeper than that. Patience requires us to do something pretty crucial...it requires us to grow in maturity - patience is not for wimps.
There is no question that when you practice patience you make everyone around you breathe easier, but I have also come to realize that practicing patience helps you to be a better friend...to yourself. Why are you beating yourself up for not paying off your $10,000 debt in one year when it took seven to accumulate? Is giving yourself disapproving looks in the mirror doing much to help you reach your fitness goals? You just broke off an unhealthy relationship this past spring and you expected to have a perfect snuggle bunny for the winter? Talk about pressure!
We should always look inward, take self-assessments and strive to be our best, but being impatient with others and ourselves only slows up the process. Maybe the man sitting next to you on the train didn't mean to bump into you when he sat down and maybe a smile from you would change the direction of his entire day. Maybe your baby girl really did think she was adding "character" to her room by drawing a tree on the wall (flashback:). Maybe your boss has a lot on his mind and on his shoulders right now and wasn't intentionally being rude...just maybe.
We don't have to practice patience alone. We have a perfect example in the Lord. I don't know about you but I know that He practices patience with me everyday and He never fails. Mistake after mistake, fall after fall and hurt after hurt He is right there to pick up the pieces. "It's ok...just try again." So the house is a mess, the kids are all over the place, money is everywhere except in your bank account, and those jeans haven't fit since your last year in college...it's ok...just try again.
There is no question that when you practice patience you make everyone around you breathe easier, but I have also come to realize that practicing patience helps you to be a better friend...to yourself. Why are you beating yourself up for not paying off your $10,000 debt in one year when it took seven to accumulate? Is giving yourself disapproving looks in the mirror doing much to help you reach your fitness goals? You just broke off an unhealthy relationship this past spring and you expected to have a perfect snuggle bunny for the winter? Talk about pressure!
We should always look inward, take self-assessments and strive to be our best, but being impatient with others and ourselves only slows up the process. Maybe the man sitting next to you on the train didn't mean to bump into you when he sat down and maybe a smile from you would change the direction of his entire day. Maybe your baby girl really did think she was adding "character" to her room by drawing a tree on the wall (flashback:). Maybe your boss has a lot on his mind and on his shoulders right now and wasn't intentionally being rude...just maybe.
We don't have to practice patience alone. We have a perfect example in the Lord. I don't know about you but I know that He practices patience with me everyday and He never fails. Mistake after mistake, fall after fall and hurt after hurt He is right there to pick up the pieces. "It's ok...just try again." So the house is a mess, the kids are all over the place, money is everywhere except in your bank account, and those jeans haven't fit since your last year in college...it's ok...just try again.
Sunday, October 4, 2009
Be Quiet
You are taught to do it in school, the phrase "pick your battles" is thrown around all the time and there are several Bible scriptures on the phrase...but yet and still; it is one of the hardest things to do. Well at least it is for me - it is always that thing that I plan to do next time. But if it's on my mind then that must mean it has to be said...right?...think again.
I have lost count of the amount of times I have regretted the words that have come out of my mouth. At times it takes weeks or even months to want to "take it back" but a lot of times I start to wish I could have a "do-over" only seconds after I close my mouth. Unless someone is in immediate danger, I'm sure it wouldn't hurt to pray and sleep on a lot of what is on our heart before we blurt it out.
I'm challenging myself and all of the Prima Donnas to take a week off from meaningless chatter. It if doesn't absolutely have to be said right away...then don't say it. I'm serious - aside from "FIRE" "WATCH OUT" "HELP" or a combination of the three...take some time out to think about every word that comes to mind.
Granted life is too fast to mentally dissect everything before you say it, but I bet that a good solid week of re-evaluation will put a lot of things into perspective. You will realize that a quieter mouth means a clearer mind and a more peaceful heart. It may also mean that you're a lot more enjoyable to be around and that your loved ones will be eager to show their appreciation for you...and all you'll have to say is "Thank You."
I have lost count of the amount of times I have regretted the words that have come out of my mouth. At times it takes weeks or even months to want to "take it back" but a lot of times I start to wish I could have a "do-over" only seconds after I close my mouth. Unless someone is in immediate danger, I'm sure it wouldn't hurt to pray and sleep on a lot of what is on our heart before we blurt it out.
I'm challenging myself and all of the Prima Donnas to take a week off from meaningless chatter. It if doesn't absolutely have to be said right away...then don't say it. I'm serious - aside from "FIRE" "WATCH OUT" "HELP" or a combination of the three...take some time out to think about every word that comes to mind.
Granted life is too fast to mentally dissect everything before you say it, but I bet that a good solid week of re-evaluation will put a lot of things into perspective. You will realize that a quieter mouth means a clearer mind and a more peaceful heart. It may also mean that you're a lot more enjoyable to be around and that your loved ones will be eager to show their appreciation for you...and all you'll have to say is "Thank You."
Sunday, September 27, 2009
Giving Up - Not an Option
Circumstances and situations can be so misleading. Just one bad day has the potential to throw me completely off my game. I could be weeks into a new fitness routine; one with new workouts and leafy green vegetables...but let me have one bad argument, one rough work day or one "bloated" moment..and I want cookies. I have come to realize that there is nothing wrong with wanting cookies, or fries, or ice cream or any other self-indulgence, what's wrong is not having the ability to talk yourself out of it by the time you get to the store or kitchen.
I have been guilty of allowing a less than desirable number on the scale, a disagreement with my spouse or a highly stressful workday convince me that I'm never going to lose weight, I need to get a divorce and that I need to get a new job. It is truly amazing how my brain has the ability to forget about the other 29 days of the month. The days when I jump for joy when I get off the scale. The days when I thank God for the love and support of my husband. The days when I finish a project at work and feel a remarkable sense of accomplishment. I am really good at forgetting about those days.
Just imagine the amount of personal success we would achieve if we weren't thrown off so easily. I know that in order for me to start making consistent changes in my life I had to learn how to talk to myself. I learned how to have full conversations with myself about my choices and what I needed to do differently. I'm going to let you eavesdrop:
Me: "Ugggh, I look ridiculous in this dress. I'm never going to lose all of this weight. Why am I waking up early and watching every calorie I put in my mouth when it is obvious that nothing is happening?"
The Other Me: "Just yesterday you were excited about how toned your body was getting. The hubby and a co-worker also commented on your weight loss."
Me: "Maybe they were just being nice. This is for the birds and I'm really hungry."
The Other Me: "Don't throw all of your hard work away because you don't like what's going on right now. You are going to be real upset tomorrow when you feel better and realize that you let yourself give up again."
Me: "You're right...time to do my 4 miles...where are my shoes?"
No matter what we struggle with; it is important that we understand that giving up is not an option. Giving up has never found a cure for a disease, worked out a family's financial woes, or provided someone with a golden opportunity. Giving up is one of the devil's favorite weapons and he uses it to attack us on a regular basis. What would happen in your life if giving up didn't exist? Now where are your shoes?
I have been guilty of allowing a less than desirable number on the scale, a disagreement with my spouse or a highly stressful workday convince me that I'm never going to lose weight, I need to get a divorce and that I need to get a new job. It is truly amazing how my brain has the ability to forget about the other 29 days of the month. The days when I jump for joy when I get off the scale. The days when I thank God for the love and support of my husband. The days when I finish a project at work and feel a remarkable sense of accomplishment. I am really good at forgetting about those days.
Just imagine the amount of personal success we would achieve if we weren't thrown off so easily. I know that in order for me to start making consistent changes in my life I had to learn how to talk to myself. I learned how to have full conversations with myself about my choices and what I needed to do differently. I'm going to let you eavesdrop:
Me: "Ugggh, I look ridiculous in this dress. I'm never going to lose all of this weight. Why am I waking up early and watching every calorie I put in my mouth when it is obvious that nothing is happening?"
The Other Me: "Just yesterday you were excited about how toned your body was getting. The hubby and a co-worker also commented on your weight loss."
Me: "Maybe they were just being nice. This is for the birds and I'm really hungry."
The Other Me: "Don't throw all of your hard work away because you don't like what's going on right now. You are going to be real upset tomorrow when you feel better and realize that you let yourself give up again."
Me: "You're right...time to do my 4 miles...where are my shoes?"
No matter what we struggle with; it is important that we understand that giving up is not an option. Giving up has never found a cure for a disease, worked out a family's financial woes, or provided someone with a golden opportunity. Giving up is one of the devil's favorite weapons and he uses it to attack us on a regular basis. What would happen in your life if giving up didn't exist? Now where are your shoes?
Sunday, September 20, 2009
Birthday Resolutions
If there is one thing I have never outgrown...it is the anticipation of my birthday. When I was younger it had everything to do with birthday cake, lots of toys and birthday parties. As I got older, I started to look at my birthday as the perfect day to start over with whatever I wanted. I stopped eating french fries when I turned 22 and started eating them again when I turned 24. I took Oprah's Boot Camp Challenge when I turned 25 and entered full Bridezilla mode when I turned 26. Who needs a New Year's Resolution when you can have Birthday Resolutions?
Birthdays are a blessing. If you are a parent, have lost a loved one, been seriously ill or have witnessed or been in a life-threatening situation, you know how important a birthday is. They are precious and should be accompanied each year with a new sense of hope and focus. Why are you here this year? What have you done...and did you make a difference? I don't think our birthdays really have that much to do with us. Our birthdays are for the people we have helped along the way.
27 was kind of rough for me and I can honestly say that I don't think I've ever wanted to see September 21st so bad. Don't get me wrong; I am grateful for all of the life lessons learned this year as well as what my hurt and pain has taught me about the love of God. He showed up and showed out an awful lot this year and boy did I need it. 27...I won't say that you'll be missed; but I will say that it was nice to meet you; I don't know why yet but I will find out in time.
I am bringing in 28 with a quiet bang. I want this year to be all about reflection. I want to make a conscious effort to never be ungrateful, forgetful or anxious. I am making room in my house and in my life for peace, prosperity, love and abundant joy. Sadness, pain, hurt and grief just didn't make the cut. I'm sure they will try to show up at my door and in my heart unannounced from time to time...but I'm bringing strength into my 28th year as well...God has some serious plans for me and I'm using this year to do what I have been called to do; play my position and follow His lead.
Happy Birthday
Birthdays are a blessing. If you are a parent, have lost a loved one, been seriously ill or have witnessed or been in a life-threatening situation, you know how important a birthday is. They are precious and should be accompanied each year with a new sense of hope and focus. Why are you here this year? What have you done...and did you make a difference? I don't think our birthdays really have that much to do with us. Our birthdays are for the people we have helped along the way.
27 was kind of rough for me and I can honestly say that I don't think I've ever wanted to see September 21st so bad. Don't get me wrong; I am grateful for all of the life lessons learned this year as well as what my hurt and pain has taught me about the love of God. He showed up and showed out an awful lot this year and boy did I need it. 27...I won't say that you'll be missed; but I will say that it was nice to meet you; I don't know why yet but I will find out in time.
I am bringing in 28 with a quiet bang. I want this year to be all about reflection. I want to make a conscious effort to never be ungrateful, forgetful or anxious. I am making room in my house and in my life for peace, prosperity, love and abundant joy. Sadness, pain, hurt and grief just didn't make the cut. I'm sure they will try to show up at my door and in my heart unannounced from time to time...but I'm bringing strength into my 28th year as well...God has some serious plans for me and I'm using this year to do what I have been called to do; play my position and follow His lead.
Happy Birthday
Friday, September 11, 2009
Bad Days
I remember having bad days as early as elementary school. Now granted, they were a different kind of bad day. Not getting to go outside for recess, having to play with the boring puzzle, or losing your best friend to another classmate because she wanted to play with her new barbie doll. Seems trivial now, but back then those were some pretty earth-shattering circumstances.
But then morning would come and I would venture off to school again...and all was right with the world. I would get to go outside for recess, I would get to the new colorful puzzle first, and my friendship would be surprisingly back in tact. The next day was always better...like clockwork.
As we get older, we continue to experience bad days...and with age brings more intensity. We get anxious over finances, careers, relationships and the future. Experiencing a bad day with your bills, your boss, your spouse or an unexpected tragedy can knock the wind out of you. It can make you forget about the other blessings in your life, but most importantly a bad day can make you so hopeless that you forget about...the next day.
See, getting older changes a lot of things. One of the most dramatic changes I have noticed is the length of a day. When we age, a "day" can be 48 hours long, 1 week long, or even 2 years...but if we don't give up - the next day will come. We will get to go outside for recess again, we will get to enjoy bright new shiny things and we will get the chance to mend broken friendships and relationships.
Bad days are inevitable and they tend to sting. We all have and will in the future experience a bad "day" but we have the power to change our outlook. Yes, it's raining outside, you didn't get what you wanted (the job, the guy/girl, the insert "heartache" here), and your loved-one has broken your heart...but what about the next day? It's coming...are you ready?
But then morning would come and I would venture off to school again...and all was right with the world. I would get to go outside for recess, I would get to the new colorful puzzle first, and my friendship would be surprisingly back in tact. The next day was always better...like clockwork.
As we get older, we continue to experience bad days...and with age brings more intensity. We get anxious over finances, careers, relationships and the future. Experiencing a bad day with your bills, your boss, your spouse or an unexpected tragedy can knock the wind out of you. It can make you forget about the other blessings in your life, but most importantly a bad day can make you so hopeless that you forget about...the next day.
See, getting older changes a lot of things. One of the most dramatic changes I have noticed is the length of a day. When we age, a "day" can be 48 hours long, 1 week long, or even 2 years...but if we don't give up - the next day will come. We will get to go outside for recess again, we will get to enjoy bright new shiny things and we will get the chance to mend broken friendships and relationships.
Bad days are inevitable and they tend to sting. We all have and will in the future experience a bad "day" but we have the power to change our outlook. Yes, it's raining outside, you didn't get what you wanted (the job, the guy/girl, the insert "heartache" here), and your loved-one has broken your heart...but what about the next day? It's coming...are you ready?
Thursday, September 3, 2009
Training Wheels
My daughter has finally conquered the delicate art of riding a bike without training wheels. The sense of accomplishment written all over her face was enough to make any mother's heart melt. "I did it mommy! I don't need training wheels anymore!" It was true, she didn't need training wheels to ride her bike anymore...but she will always need training wheels.
We all need training wheels, and the sooner we learn and accept that fact - the sooner life can begin. Our parents are training wheels, our experiences are training wheels, and most important of all...the word of God holds a very sturdy set of training wheels. We should never unscrew those wheels because they keep us going. Turn after turn, trip after trip and hurdle after hurdle. I have never felt more at peace than when I feel the support of my necessary training wheels.
When you are frustrated, tired, irritated, deflated, heart-broken, and basically lifeless, it is important to go back to your sources of strength and depend on them to pick you up and breathe life back into your body. I'm not ashamed to say that I still need my parents, I still need to mess up in life, and I still need to pick up the Bible on a regular basis. They keep me grounded, keep me focused and keep me grateful.
Life can get too fast, and when that happens we can forget where we were headed and speed off on our two-wheeler and never look back. That road only leads to destruction. Let's make it a point to slow down, re-discover our training wheels and learn to lean on them. It's okay to fall off your bike, it's not okay to jump back on before you clean up all of your scars and figure out why you fell. That way, the next time you fall...you'll land closer to your destiny.
We all need training wheels, and the sooner we learn and accept that fact - the sooner life can begin. Our parents are training wheels, our experiences are training wheels, and most important of all...the word of God holds a very sturdy set of training wheels. We should never unscrew those wheels because they keep us going. Turn after turn, trip after trip and hurdle after hurdle. I have never felt more at peace than when I feel the support of my necessary training wheels.
When you are frustrated, tired, irritated, deflated, heart-broken, and basically lifeless, it is important to go back to your sources of strength and depend on them to pick you up and breathe life back into your body. I'm not ashamed to say that I still need my parents, I still need to mess up in life, and I still need to pick up the Bible on a regular basis. They keep me grounded, keep me focused and keep me grateful.
Life can get too fast, and when that happens we can forget where we were headed and speed off on our two-wheeler and never look back. That road only leads to destruction. Let's make it a point to slow down, re-discover our training wheels and learn to lean on them. It's okay to fall off your bike, it's not okay to jump back on before you clean up all of your scars and figure out why you fell. That way, the next time you fall...you'll land closer to your destiny.
Wednesday, August 26, 2009
Monsters
How many monsters have you created? Have you made monsters out of your children, your close friends, your significant others? We all have the ability to do so. Realizing the power we hold in all of our relationships is half the battle. It gives us perspective and the opportunity to cool off and calm down after an unpleasant encounter with one of our self-made monsters.
We make monsters out of our children by saying one thing and doing another. "Do as I say and not as I do" has no place in a parenting relationship. You punish them for lying while they watch you tell the bill collector on the phone that you're not home. We then sit back helplessly and wonder what went wrong when we get called by teacher after teacher about our child's less than honorable behavior...that's our monster.
We can also create "big bad wolves" out of our partners. "He didn't act that way when we first started dating!" He sure didn't. In the beginning of your union he didn't have his shortcomings thrown in his face on a regular basis... and you also didn't talk so loosely about your disdain for his mother. That happened over time. A person's sensitivity, vulnerability and heartstrings are only up for the taking when they feel safe. Our constant obsession over the negative will make even the best of people grow fangs and start howling.
So do we just suck it up and live miserably with our monsters? NO...we realize the negative effects of our behavior and make changes. Just like we create monsters, we can reverse terrible patterns by gaining clarity. Deciding what we want from other people. If you want support; give support. If you want respect; give respect. If you want to make productive citizens out your children; show them how to do it. The monsters that lived under our beds when we were little eventually went away, but the monsters that walk through life with us only get bigger and harrier as time goes on.
Let's take spring cleaning to a whole new level and do some monster cleaning. Let's clean the closets, take out the trash, wash the clothes and pay special attention to what's under our beds. Are there any monsters? If so, make changes or show them the door. We don't have any room for them. Let's face it; they don't make good loved ones...and they don't pay any bills.
We make monsters out of our children by saying one thing and doing another. "Do as I say and not as I do" has no place in a parenting relationship. You punish them for lying while they watch you tell the bill collector on the phone that you're not home. We then sit back helplessly and wonder what went wrong when we get called by teacher after teacher about our child's less than honorable behavior...that's our monster.
We can also create "big bad wolves" out of our partners. "He didn't act that way when we first started dating!" He sure didn't. In the beginning of your union he didn't have his shortcomings thrown in his face on a regular basis... and you also didn't talk so loosely about your disdain for his mother. That happened over time. A person's sensitivity, vulnerability and heartstrings are only up for the taking when they feel safe. Our constant obsession over the negative will make even the best of people grow fangs and start howling.
So do we just suck it up and live miserably with our monsters? NO...we realize the negative effects of our behavior and make changes. Just like we create monsters, we can reverse terrible patterns by gaining clarity. Deciding what we want from other people. If you want support; give support. If you want respect; give respect. If you want to make productive citizens out your children; show them how to do it. The monsters that lived under our beds when we were little eventually went away, but the monsters that walk through life with us only get bigger and harrier as time goes on.
Let's take spring cleaning to a whole new level and do some monster cleaning. Let's clean the closets, take out the trash, wash the clothes and pay special attention to what's under our beds. Are there any monsters? If so, make changes or show them the door. We don't have any room for them. Let's face it; they don't make good loved ones...and they don't pay any bills.
Monday, August 24, 2009
So Serious
How do people know that you are serious? Do you scream and shout and throw things? Do you give a silent treatment so superb that a mime would be jealous? Do you put your loved ones on punishment to let them know the severity of the situation? I have done all of the above at one point or another and none of them have proven to be quite effective.
I think that people know you're serious when you know you're serious. I can't count how many times I have been "serious" about getting into the best shape of my life, "serious" about getting into the kitchen (and cooking...not eating), "serious" about keeping in touch with good friends and "serious" about not tolerating anymore disrespectful behavior by people who are supposed to be in my corner. Just like the word "love," I am convinced that we use the word "serious" too loosely. If people know that your "serious" is a joke...they will continue to laugh as you kick, scream and shout.
I am changing the dictionary; I now consider "serious" an action verb. My serious will no longer be up for debate or discussion. If you want to know if I'm "serious"...just watch me. Our character should no longer be a guessing game. Life is so much easier when your intentions are clear as day and unquestionably genuine. No pressure...just real talk.
Since we are all about writing our OWN song, this should come as a welcomed challenge to all the Prima Donnas. Now I'm about to go figure out what I want to cook for dinner...I'm joking.
I think that people know you're serious when you know you're serious. I can't count how many times I have been "serious" about getting into the best shape of my life, "serious" about getting into the kitchen (and cooking...not eating), "serious" about keeping in touch with good friends and "serious" about not tolerating anymore disrespectful behavior by people who are supposed to be in my corner. Just like the word "love," I am convinced that we use the word "serious" too loosely. If people know that your "serious" is a joke...they will continue to laugh as you kick, scream and shout.
I am changing the dictionary; I now consider "serious" an action verb. My serious will no longer be up for debate or discussion. If you want to know if I'm "serious"...just watch me. Our character should no longer be a guessing game. Life is so much easier when your intentions are clear as day and unquestionably genuine. No pressure...just real talk.
Since we are all about writing our OWN song, this should come as a welcomed challenge to all the Prima Donnas. Now I'm about to go figure out what I want to cook for dinner...I'm joking.
Saturday, August 22, 2009
Back to the Basics
Since I am on a journey to rekindle my relationship with my bleeding heart, I decided to take a trip down memory lane and do some research. The first person that came to mind was my aunt. I never talk about my aunt and it is completely intentional. I know talking about her means I have to acknowledge the fact that she is no longer here and although it has been almost 7 years, I haven't accepted it. I still talk to her, I still think about her everyday and I always wonder "what would she do?"
She had a bleeding heart. Her heart was too big and I think a little too passionate to stay on this earth. I remember staying at her house one day and she asked me what I wanted from the store. As I look back, I'm sure she meant what type of candy bar or chips, but with all of the innocence in the world I answered...tap shoes. And you know what? We jumped right in the car and we went to the mall where she purchased my first pair of tap shoes. That's just who she was. She lived to please others and never wanted to feel that she hadn't done enough.
She left me when I was a senior in college. We buried her on what felt like one of the coldest days on earth. She knew she was leaving me. I know that because I received a phone call from her a few months earlier and she pretty much laid down the law. She had been sick for a while but her voice sounded particularly strong this day. As soon as I answered the phone she made me promise to listen up and take notes. "Don't work too much in life, you have everyday to do that." OK "It's ok to get up in the morning, get dressed for work, drop the kids off...and then...go to the mall!" OK "Oh, and DON'T get married or give your life to someone before it's time." OH...OK
See the thing is, I was actually planning a wedding for that fall. I thought I was the only one that knew I wasn't ready to get married, but I guess I was wrong. I was never given a chance to have a follow-up chat with her. The next call I received about my aunt was from my brother telling me that her heart had stopped. I guess that bleeding heart had had enough. The doctors were able to revive her and she lived another 6 weeks as family member after family member traveled into town to say their goodbyes. I got to hold her hand and tell her how much I loved her...I also got the chance to tell her that I had called off the wedding and felt more alive than I had ever felt.
She gave me permission to go against the grain. To live my life in a way that was fulfilling to me. If anything, I owe it to her to give it a real go. To live everyday like the next isn't promised. She taught me to never apologize for my feelings and to take pride in the things that made me different. I never saw her bite her tongue or give up the chance to give HERSELF a compliment. I always thought that was so cool. Yeah, that's what we should all do; take the time to compliment ourselves everyday. I'll go first: My nails are looking particularly nice today - your turn...
She had a bleeding heart. Her heart was too big and I think a little too passionate to stay on this earth. I remember staying at her house one day and she asked me what I wanted from the store. As I look back, I'm sure she meant what type of candy bar or chips, but with all of the innocence in the world I answered...tap shoes. And you know what? We jumped right in the car and we went to the mall where she purchased my first pair of tap shoes. That's just who she was. She lived to please others and never wanted to feel that she hadn't done enough.
She left me when I was a senior in college. We buried her on what felt like one of the coldest days on earth. She knew she was leaving me. I know that because I received a phone call from her a few months earlier and she pretty much laid down the law. She had been sick for a while but her voice sounded particularly strong this day. As soon as I answered the phone she made me promise to listen up and take notes. "Don't work too much in life, you have everyday to do that." OK "It's ok to get up in the morning, get dressed for work, drop the kids off...and then...go to the mall!" OK "Oh, and DON'T get married or give your life to someone before it's time." OH...OK
See the thing is, I was actually planning a wedding for that fall. I thought I was the only one that knew I wasn't ready to get married, but I guess I was wrong. I was never given a chance to have a follow-up chat with her. The next call I received about my aunt was from my brother telling me that her heart had stopped. I guess that bleeding heart had had enough. The doctors were able to revive her and she lived another 6 weeks as family member after family member traveled into town to say their goodbyes. I got to hold her hand and tell her how much I loved her...I also got the chance to tell her that I had called off the wedding and felt more alive than I had ever felt.
She gave me permission to go against the grain. To live my life in a way that was fulfilling to me. If anything, I owe it to her to give it a real go. To live everyday like the next isn't promised. She taught me to never apologize for my feelings and to take pride in the things that made me different. I never saw her bite her tongue or give up the chance to give HERSELF a compliment. I always thought that was so cool. Yeah, that's what we should all do; take the time to compliment ourselves everyday. I'll go first: My nails are looking particularly nice today - your turn...
Friday, August 21, 2009
To Be Continued
I have a bleeding heart. As a matter of fact, I have always had a bleeding heart and have finally realized it 27 years into life. There are a lot of consequences for having a bleeding heart when you are unaware. You make a lot of bad decisions that only get cleared up after a substantial amount of pain and heartache. Has life been terrible? Absolutely not, and my bleeding heart (along with my awesome parents) made my childhood as close to perfect as humanly possible. The passion that I approached everyday with was nothing short of remarkable. I didn't start realizing that there was a negative side of bad decision-making until my safety net was abruptly removed from under me as I started life on my own as a young adult. So I really wasn't going to marry my high school sweetheart? Somebody can actually cheat on me...and will...more than once? OH, you really can get pregnant if you have unprotected sex...even if you beg and plead and promise not to ever do it again? WOW. Yes, it all sounds silly now, but try telling my 19-year old heart that.
Life sure has a way of killing the fairytale. Accepting jobs that have absolutely nothing to do with any class you spent thousands of dollars to take, realizing that all those snicker bars you ate now actually show up on your hips and thighs, and most crushing for me, having to acknowledge that in any relationship (that I have been in at least) the butterflies actually do go away and you have to make the choice to either grow your love up into that mature love that the Bible, your pastor and your grandparents always talk about or run away and make yourself available again to feel your stomach and heart sink altogether just one more time.
I'm going to give my bleeding heart another shot. It has been on punishment for the past couple of years so to speak. I have been ignoring it because I didn't know how to control it. It was always getting me in trouble. But what I have come to realize is that there is nothing wrong with my bleeding heart as long as I master the fine art of balance. The practical with the magical. This will only be accomplished by the priceless art of remaining completely honest at all times. How do I feel? How should I feel? Where's the balance?
I am determined to get to know the girl who has been disappointed before, but knew how to fully love; the girl who worked really hard, but enjoyed every minute of her workday; the girl who held an infant baby in her arms almost 8 years ago and promised to approach life with an intense amount of sensibility with the spirit of an innocent child . She's somewhere...I just have to find her.
Life sure has a way of killing the fairytale. Accepting jobs that have absolutely nothing to do with any class you spent thousands of dollars to take, realizing that all those snicker bars you ate now actually show up on your hips and thighs, and most crushing for me, having to acknowledge that in any relationship (that I have been in at least) the butterflies actually do go away and you have to make the choice to either grow your love up into that mature love that the Bible, your pastor and your grandparents always talk about or run away and make yourself available again to feel your stomach and heart sink altogether just one more time.
I'm going to give my bleeding heart another shot. It has been on punishment for the past couple of years so to speak. I have been ignoring it because I didn't know how to control it. It was always getting me in trouble. But what I have come to realize is that there is nothing wrong with my bleeding heart as long as I master the fine art of balance. The practical with the magical. This will only be accomplished by the priceless art of remaining completely honest at all times. How do I feel? How should I feel? Where's the balance?
I am determined to get to know the girl who has been disappointed before, but knew how to fully love; the girl who worked really hard, but enjoyed every minute of her workday; the girl who held an infant baby in her arms almost 8 years ago and promised to approach life with an intense amount of sensibility with the spirit of an innocent child . She's somewhere...I just have to find her.
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