Get In Time Out!

I never thought I would be spending any of my days in 'time out' as a 30 year-old...but I am. It took me a long time to realize that I needed a time out but I can assure you it was long overdue. I have learned so many lessons and have been reminded of so many things that I don't know when I will ever be able to get out of my corner, but what I do know is that I'm not coming out until I learn my lessons...all of them.

As a wife and a mother I write a lot about being busy, keeping everyone on schedule and making sure that each day runs as smoothly as possible. When you are caught up in the middle of everyday life you can lose sight of a lot of things and that is exactly what happened to me. There was no stopping to smell the roses, taking time to really enjoy a story from beginning to end or even the ability to get caught up in a movie without thinking about what I had to do after the movie was over. Those things are important but they were not important enough for me to sit down. What did it for me, was when I started forgetting my blessings. Losing sight of all of the great things God had done for me, forgetting all of the things He had delivered me from and forgetting to thank Him in the process was more than enough for me to realize that I needed a minute to collect myself.

It is no secret that I take physical fitness very seriously and that I have been fighting an uphill battle to get back in shape after suffering 3 miscarriages and eventually carrying and delivering my youngest child who is now 15 months. Truthfully, I have made great strides in getting back in shape but I had started to let situations and people get the best of me. Recently I took a trip down south to visit family and I must have heard about how much weight I had gained over the past 3 years at least 10 times. Even though I knew that I had actually lost a lot of weight over the past several months, since they hadn't seen me in years they had a different perspective - - just follow me. When I made the trip, I was (and still am) on a very successful eating and workout plan but after a weekend of hearing certain family members talk about my weight I was tempted to throw in the towel and eat until I passed out. Even after the trip I allowed even more family members to speak into my life about what they thought I should do to lose weight.

My daughter is excelling in school while becoming a great talent in playing the trumpet. My son is just an awesome little boy who is excited to learn something new everyday. My husband is working HARD to provide for our family and in the meantime is spoiling me beyond my wildest dreams. All of that is going on but I couldn't enjoy any of it because all I was thinking about was what my extended family had to say about my weight.

I can't tell you exactly when, but it seemed like out of nowhere I heard a still small voice: "Taryn, you mean to tell me that you are going to let people who have no idea what you have gone through or what it takes to begin to live a healthy lifestyle steal and rob you of your joy because you have put on weight? You are getting up every morning to work out when just 2 years ago you couldn't even walk. Did you forget? Do you remember why you couldn't walk? Let me remind you - you couldn't walk because you had lost yet another baby and needed abdominal surgery to save your life. You have the nerve to be down in the dumps about your weight when I have blessed you with an amazing baby boy who lights up every room he enters? If you have forgotten where I've brought you from...you need a TIME OUT."

I immediately fell to my knees and thanked God for speaking to my heart. He wasn't telling me that I needed to just accept where I am and not continue working toward my goals, He just wanted me to be appreciative, dedicated and grateful during the journey. He required that I put things in their correct order. It was time to get back in the Word and back off of Facebook; do more bible studies and log off of Twitter; wake up and talk to God before getting dressed to go to the gym.

Do you need a time out? Are you worried about what your co-workers are doing and not focused enough on your own work? Are you listening to too many of your friends' marital problems while your own spouse is lonely? Are you truly upset about something someone posted on a social media site while your own family hasn't been able to have a real conversation with you in weeks? It may be time for you to clear some space in a corner and get in it.

Time out has made me calmer, more peaceful, more confident, more determined, more focused and most importantly...more thankful. I may not be exactly where I want to be, but in the grand scheme of things...I wouldn't trade in my little boy's sloppy wet kisses and his excitement when he sees his big sister for all the 6-packed stomachs in the world - but I will pass on the chips and eat an apple...welcome to Time Out:)

Hello 30...Nice to Meet You:)

All I can do is smile as I think back over the last week and a half of my life. I have been nicknamed "the runaway" because of my state hopping and planned but really not planned vacation and it makes me feel good. Being caught up in the hustle and bustle of everyday made me forget a lot of things. Things that should always be remembered; things that I will make a conscious effort to never forget again. Sometimes life can dish you some pretty severe blows and while we may have recovered...we still need to heal. I didn't know it at the time but my time away was about healing. I thought I was planning a small trip out of town to celebrate turning 30, but in reality this small trip turned into a huge celebration of love, support, guidance and confidence...and it was right on time.

Before I left, I had been extremely hard on myself about how active and busy my brain is, how much detail I put into things and the large amount of goals and expectations I have for my family. I just knew something was wrong with the way my mind worked. But in walks my lifelong friend Tiffany and "twin" cousin Tamara. I live so far away from both of them and they both traveled great distances to help me celebrate my birthday. Just seeing their faces was enough of a birthday gift...but then I remembered...this isn't a coincidence...these girls are my kindred spirits! They have helped me finish my sentences since we were all little girls and even though I have never been close in distance to my cousin and am no longer close in distance to my friend, they have always been very close to my heart. From ordering the same food at restaurants this past week, enjoying the same music, liking the same styles to sharing the same philosophies on life; we shared enough to last a lifetime. My trip ended with a visit from another one of my lifelong friends. If anyone has ever heard me talk about Lauren, they know that I think she is one of the most beautiful people on the inside and out. She always wants the absolute best for me and has always been there in my times of need. Her friendship has been priceless since the 7th grade. Of course it is necessary to have your own opinions, live your own life and do what's best for you and your family...but I can't lie...I forgot how good it felt to rest in similar company, feel normal and completely accept myself for who I am - busy brain and all.

Taking care of a husband and 2 children on a daily basis also made me lose patience with my body and become very unforgiving of myself. Somewhere along the way I forgot all of the things my body went through before my son was born. I forgot that 2 miscarriages, an ectopic pregnancy and a full-term pregnancy all within 2 years is ridiculously traumatic on a woman's body. It wasn't until I got to Alabama that I finally realized that I needed to back off, give myself more grace and mercy and be patient while I workout and eat right. See, I was around a bunch of women that in addition to sharing the same grandparents; we also share the same hips, thighs, legs and butt (Wade Girls Unite:) Don't get me wrong...I love my current city and all of the diversity in it...but I forgot how good it felt to sit around people who look just like me - and know they're beautiful.

When I'm busy putting my best foot forward at work, checking 4th grade homework and figuring out ways to avoid unavoidable traffic, I can forget how precious life itself really is. We get so caught up in the pettiness that life has to offer that we miss the big picture. I saw that picture while laying on my aunt's bed. She had to lay her oldest son to rest back in June and before he passed, she (along with my cousin Tara) took on the responsibility of caring for him and refused to put him in a nursing home. They fed, clothed, nursed and bathed a grown man for years before planning a beautiful service to celebrate his life. I watched this woman talk about how much she missed her son, how she wished she could have done more for him and how she hoped he knew she loved him. Talking to her gave me so much strength. I couldn't even move I was so in awe of this grieving mother as she cooked dinner for me and helped me wash my clothes. This woman is my AUNT...we share the same blood...and while she's been through an awful lot in her life...her biggest concern at that moment was if she had enough washing detergent for my clothes. She reminded me how big life really is...and how it is hardly ever about us.

There are so many more things I could write about my trip and I'm sure I will someday. All in all, I welcome 30 with open arms. I'm excited about what this next decade will bring and I look forward to making more incredible memories. I used to think 30 was so old and far away, but I must say...I think it looks good on me:)

Who's In Your Support Group?

While it is very important to have dreams, goals, ambitions and plans to achieve them; it is also just as important to surround yourself with people who believe in you. Even the strongest people have moments of weakness but if they have a strong support group there will always be someone there to help pull them up.

My parents were in town a few weeks ago and I overheard them having a very intense discussion about what to serve for breakfast. "Taryn can't eat that! You know she's not eating stuff like that. No, don't make that either because she's not going to eat it. No that is too much bread - she's not going to eat that either." Now here I am, almost 30 years old with a family of my own and my parents still strongly support everything I do and nothing was going on the table that didn't agree with my strict diet. With support like that; no wonder I never feel like I can't reach a goal...they have always supported anything I could dream up so the words "I Can't" have never meant much to me.

Even if your parents don't offer the support you need, you can always take a personal inventory of your inner circle and shake things up. Make sure you are surrounding yourself with people who want to see you succeed and are willing to step in with either warm words of encouragement or tough love when needed to help you reach your goals. My husband gives me exactly 10 minutes to whine, cry or complain about something that is bothering me concerning my personal or professional goals then we get into what we call "action mode." The next time I look up my inbox is flooded with all kinds of information based off of our last "action mode" conversation. How can I stay down with support like that?

I don't want you to stay down either. Take a close look at the people you spend your time with and ask yourself some tough questions. Do they believe in you? Are they adding value to your life? Are they helping or hindering your plans for the future? Remember ..."to whom much is given much is required" so you have to ask the same of yourself. Who's life are you pouring into? Are you helping someone reach their goals? Are you adding value to the lives of the people you love? The bottom line is that life can beat you up, knock you down and try to take you out and we need people who are willing to jump in front of us, take a punch or a kick if needed and fight back on our behalf. Don't try to do everything alone...you deserve better:)

Change Your Mind

Over the past couple of months I had been in a rut and I could not figure out why. Almost everything irritated me, I wasn't enjoying the company of others and I had stopped taking real good care of myself. Don't get me wrong...I'm a wife, mother and employee so I did what I had to do - but I was running on "E" (completely empty).

After finally having enough of this person I was becoming I decided I needed a change. I started reading Joyce Meyer's book "The Confident Woman" and I haven't looked back. The book is filled with a lot of encouragement, great scripture and stories of strong, courageous and confident women - but the part of her book that has truly changed my heart is her teaching on the "mind." Do you really know how powerful your mind is? I know in my mind that if I touch a hot stove I'm going to get burned so I'm not going to do it. My 10-month old son has no idea that if he jumps off the couch he is going to fall and hurt himself so he tries to jump off the couch at least 20 times a day.

These things are simple but your mind can also be your worst enemy. What is your mind telling you? Is it telling you that you can't have that promotion because you're not qualified? Is it telling you that everybody else has a better marriage than you and your spouse? Is it telling you that your children need more than what you are giving them? Is it telling you that you need to go get that second plate of food because you have nothing else going on in your life? Even if you answered yes to every single one of these questions...I've got some good news! You are more powerful than your mind. Yes...you control it and you can change the direction of your thoughts just like you use a wheel to change the direction of your car. I started putting this into practice a little over a month ago and I can tell you that things have seriously changed.

My mind used to tell me that I was too tired and worked too hard to have enough energy to take care of my active baby boy; but now I say "What? You mean the little boy God blessed me with after two miscarriages, an ectopic pregnancy and life threatening surgery?? Bring on MY BABY!!" My mind used to tell me that marriage was too hard and I was not wife material because I didn't cook four-course meals every night and I still don't have that submissive thing quite right; but now I say "We may have a lot of growing and learning to do but he still comes home to me every night and blows up my phone when we're not together so...Bring on MY MAN!!" My mind used to tell me that my daughter would grow up sad and confused because her father and I are not together; but now I say "You mean the little girl who just turned her life over to Christ, made honor roll and thanks me every other day for taking care of her? Bring on MY BIG GIRL!!" My mind used to tell me that my days as a size 6 were over...I am almost 30, have two kids and that was just that; but now I say "I am fully committed to my new diet and exercise plan, I don't need anything that isn't good for me and settling is not an option...now it's one month later and I'm 12 POUNDS LIGHTER.

Everybody's struggles are different and honestly some things or situations really are just bad...but a lot of things aren't as bad as our mind makes them out to be and it is time to take our minds back. I learned a long time ago to never look at anyone else's situation and start comparing - you have no idea where they came from or where they are going so it is always wasted energy. What I didn't realize is how careful I had to be when dealing with my own thoughts. They can be just as dangerous and can make your life seem dull and downright miserable. So...next time you hear your mind whisper something negative, hateful, counter-productive, whiny or downright wrong...CHANGE YOUR MIND...turn right and tell yourself how much you love...YOU:) When you love you - you can love others - then they love themselves - then they can love others...and the Devil and all of his negative mind tricks lose...over and over again.

Janice Priscilla Wade Jackson - My "SHE"ro

When I was younger I didn't truly appreciate my mom. She cooked dinner every weeknight, taught me the importance of taking care of my hair when I was six and she let me wear my swimming suit to ride my bike (DON'T JUDGE ME). Most importantly she was always a true lady. She never talked bad about anyone, always went above and beyond to take care of our household and made sure that we learned about the true love of God. I watched my mother be submissive to her husband, go to work everyday and get on her knees and pray every night. She stayed to herself, didn't gossip and never tried to keep up with other people or worry about things that didn't matter.

My immature brain couldn't understand why my mom wasn't loud, why she didn't cuss and fuss and why she always made sure everyone else was okay before she did anything for herself. I didn't appreciate the fact that she always checked with my father before making important decisions and that she didn't just let people "have it" when she was upset. Was she weak? Did she not care?

Now that I'm staring 30 in the face, married and with two children of my own; I am learning that everything I used to think about my mom was wrong. She is incredibly strong, admirably stable and stands up for what is right - no matter what. Throughout both of my pregnancies and the birth of my children she was right there. Not just in the delivery room - but literally uprooting her life and coming to stay in DC for months. Still loving and taking care of her bratty daughter. Cooking dinner, being patient and not slapping me when I truly deserved it. She planned my entire wedding, taught me how to hold my infants and showed me how to make her famous tuna salad. If you don't think that's important - ask my husband:)

I have experienced a lot during my life and have accomplished some pretty lofty goals; but one thing that I know for sure is that being a wife and mother has presented the hardest challenges I have ever faced. I can read a lot of books, talk to countless mentors and vent to my girls - but I am so thankful that I don't HAVE to. All I have to do is refer to the woman that not only gave birth to me but the woman who continues to mother me to this day. She is the only point of reference I need. She doesn't just talk the talk...she walks the walk. You know what, that doesn't even do her justice; she doesn't just walk the walk...she stays on the course. With 41 years of marriage and two children who absolutely adore her under her belt - she's an expert on all things that truly matter. May is a very special month for my mother and I. Not only do we celebrate Mother's Day; but we also celebrate both of our wedding anniversaries - the start of our families. Thank you Mama for always being you. If I can become half of the WOMAN that you are - I will be just fine. I love you on this day and always.

-Puddin'

Confessions of a Daddy's Girl

I was always one of those kids who never wanted to miss out on anything. I never wanted to forget my homework, never wanted to forget my library books and most importantly...I NEVER wanted to forget my recorder. I'm talking about that plastic instrument everyone has to play at some time or another during their elementary school music career. To forget your recorder on 'music day' was the worst. You had to sit down while everyone else stood up and squeaked through "twinkle twinkle little star" or "hot cross buns."

Well one evening when I was in the 3rd grade as my bedtime approached it hit me that I had music the next day and I needed to put my recorder in my book bag. I searched my room, the kitchen, the living room, my parents' bedroom, downstairs in the den, the playroom, the game room and even all of the bathrooms...I couldn't find it!!! I ran up and down the stairs looking everywhere for my recorder. My father (daddy is what I still call him) was downstairs watching television as I frantically looked everywhere for my recorder. By this time my bed time had come and gone and I was still looking. "Go to bed Taryn" said daddy. "But I can't find my recorder and I have music tomorrow!!" "Go to bed Taryn, you won't go to school without your recorder" he said. "But Daddy, I can't find it anywhere!!" "Go TO BED TARYN! I will find it!" For some reason, my 8 year-old mind could not comprehend going to bed without my recorder in my book bag or or that my dad could actually find it. Daddy didn't know where to look! He obviously didn't know how important it was to show up to music class prepared (He was only in charge of an entire steel manufacturing plant and a family).

So....I went to bed with a heavy heart and a worried mind. I did not have my recorder...I did not have my recorder! Well somehow I got to sleep that night, and wouldn't you know it - when I woke up the next morning my recorder was right next to my book bag!!!! I didn't hear him come in my room that night and he had already left for work by the time I got up. Isn't that just like God? He works continuously on our behalf without us even knowing it and a lot of times things are taken care of right before we need it; not always coming when we want Him, but always right on time.

As I sit here over 20 years later, that night still feels as fresh as last night. I'm constantly reminded of how important it is sometimes to just go to bed and let God do the rest. Many of you know how much of a daddy's girl I am. Well it's true...and it is that way for good reason...he has always been there for me, supported me and never let me forget what is important in life - but most importantly; he taught me how to be a Daddy's Girl for God. He, along with my mother (mama) taught me the importance of faith and of knowing that once you've done all you can - you need to just pray...and go to bed. Thank you daddy for introducing me to the most important relationship in my life - oh and also for finding my recorder...

Sweet Dreams Everybody

Be Quiet!!

With a new year comes new responsibility. To be blessed to see another year is not something that should be taken lightly. To see a new day requires a lot of grace and mercy...a new year is that multiplied by 365! Every year I set out with a long list of resolutions determined to grow my finances, lose pesky pounds and stop bad habits. Sometimes I do exceptionally well and other times I don't make it to January 2nd. This year...I have one...to be quiet!

I am a communicator by nature. I think I was born talking. I have always loved words and even majored in communications. I always felt that if I felt it, I needed to say it - right then and not a second later. You can see where this is going. While it is important to express yourself and be clear about your intentions - I have also learned that words hurt. They hurt and they last longer than any physical pain. Another painful lesson that I have learned is that we typically save our most colorful words for the people we care about the most.

I think it will be easier for me to be quiet once I truly understand the power of words. When they are used correctly they can positively change the direction of a person's day, they can be the building blocks of true friendship and encourage loved ones to rise to the best of their potential. Words can also shoot like daggers. They can put holes in walls that can't be repaired, damage someone's self esteem and negatively impact your relationships with people you interact with everyday.

"The tongue has the power of life and death" Proverbs 18:21. Well, I've decided to choose life for 2011. I want to use my weapon (tongue) to uplift, encourage and bless others. So yes, I do want to strengthen my finances continue to lose my baby weight, and stop all of my bad habits...but most importantly I want to build, repair and strengthen relationships...come on tongue...please behave...being quiet speaks volumes.