When You Get a Pontiac Sunbird

By the time I was 15 years old I knew that when I started driving, I wanted a 1997 Black Honda Civic.  Everyone knew.  I asked my parents for the car, I told all of my friends I was getting that car and every time I daydreamed about driving I was behind the wheel of a nice, slick brand new Honda Civic.

You can imagine my confusion when my father came to pick me up from my part-time job at Subway in a 1994 Red Pontiac Sunbird.  "Daddy, who's car is this?"  "It's yours," he said, "I bought it today and you can start driving it permanently as soon as you get your license...oh and learn how to drive a stick shift."

So wait, not only did I not get the car I wanted, I'm going to have to work extra hard to drive my new car because it is not even an automatic!?!?  "Thanks Daddy" is what I said out of my mouth while my mind was racing and wondering why my daddy didn't just give me what I asked for.  It wasn't like I asked for a Mercedes or a BMW and even if I did, he could afford it.

After two tries (don't judge me) I finally got my license and was ready to start learning how to drive my stick shift.  In addition to my father, I had two friends that knew how to drive stick and they would take turns teaching me.  I blew out a few clutches.  One time the clutch blew out in front of someone's house that I didn't even know and I just left it there and walked to school.

I just knew that eventually my father would sell the car and just buy me the Honda Civic I asked for in the first place.  I was wrong.  Each time, my father would quickly get the car repaired and hand me the keys.

There's something that happens when you put a stick shift in first gear and give the clutch and pedal just the right amount of pressure to make it go.  I will never forget the feeling of really getting the hang of driving my Sunbird.  It felt good to be one of the only people I knew who could even drive a stick shift.  

While there were a lot of Honda Civics on the road there were not a lot of Pontiac Sunbirds.  Also, I didn't mention earlier that it was a convertible!  I was 16 years old pulling up to high school in a drop top.  I didn't even celebrate that fact initially because I was too focused on what I didn't get.

I'm sure I'm not the only one that has done this.  A lot of times when we get something other than what we wanted we have a tendency to complain, sulk and sometimes have a complete temper tantrum.  If we stay in that place too long we can miss the blessing of what we do get.  

Yes, I'm sure I would have been completely satisfied and more than happy with a brand new Black Honda Civic but my earthly father had something else in mind.  He wanted me to not only have a good reliable car, but learn a new skill that would always come in handy.  A black car would have been cool but he wanted his baby girl to stand out in a red convertible.  An automatic would have been easier but I was born and raised in Ohio and winters can be brutal.  Stick shifts are much safer to drive in snowy and icy conditions.  I thought I knew what I wanted but he loves me and what he gave me was so much better.

You would be completely satisfied and more than happy with that new job, that house you have had your eye on or whatever else you may want.  You may get them and that would be awesome.  Just remember that if you don't, your Heavenly Father has something better for you.  Something that He knows you need, something unique and special only to you.  Something even more beautiful and much safer.  He loves you and is "able to do above and beyond all that we ask or think."

My days of driving my Pontiac Sunbird are long over.  I remember having to say goodbye to my Sunbird soon after my first child was born.  My father joked that car seats and convertibles didn't go together.  Now with three kids and DC traffic, a Ford Escape makes more sense.  I still love to get behind the wheel of a stick shift every now and then -  there really is nothing like it.

So while you are waiting on God to answer whatever you have before Him, enjoy your Pontiac Sunbird...and don't forget to put the top down!

I'm Not Going to Talk About This!

Every time my kids ask me to buy them something I jokingly ask them how much money they have.  My oldest would always play around with me.  She would say she had $5 million and proceed to "give" me the money.  Until one day recently I thought all of my kids thought this little game was funny and enjoyed the banter.

A week or so ago my 5 year-old asked for something and I immediately asked him how much money he had.  Instead of going along with it, throwing out some ridiculous amount and handing me imaginary money - he replied, "I'm not going to talk about this.  You know I don't have any money.  Kids don't have money.  You are a grown-up and grown-ups have money!"  Now the first thing I did was tell him to check his tone; I'm not here for that...but then I got to thinking...maybe he is on to something.

Why do we discuss or think about things after we realize that we have no control over them?  I know my mind would appreciate a break from going around and around thinking about things I can't do anything about.  As a 5 year-old boy he can't legally earn money and he knows that I have money so why should he entertain this conversation?

As adults there are a lot of things we do have control over and we should do everything in our power to be our best selves and live or best lives but there will always be things that happen in life that are beyond our control.  We can't control other people's actions, we can't control what people say or think about us and we can't go back and change the past.  So why are we still talking about it?

One day my son will have a job and will be able to support himself but until then he has his parents (and grandparents for that matter) and he doesn't have to talk or worry about how he will be taken care of.  He knows his earthly source.  Once again, I am going to take a page out of my young but wise son's book and remember to trust and know my SOURCE.  

When life throws you something you have no control over you don't have to worry, be anxious or even talk about it.  You can trust that God has it all under control.   The next time your mind starts racing and your mouth is going a mile a minute try to just stop and ask yourself "Why am I talking about this?" If you don't have a good answer - and you have exhausted all of your options then it may be time to make the same firm decision my 5 year-old made from his car seat the other day - "I'm not going to talk about this!"

G-Diddy's Brush

I often say that I learn a lot of life lessons from my kids.  Sometimes they come during huge moments where you experience some sort of life altering event and at other times they come in the form of ... a brush.

There is rarely a dull moment in the mornings when everyone is getting ready for work, school and daycare.  Everyone wants something different to eat for breakfast, the baby typically cries to wear one shoe and one boot (at the same time) and the teenager is ALWAYS looking for something.  The most regular struggle, however, had always come from my 5 year-old son.

He absolutely could not stand getting his hair brushed and would start practicing his whining at least 10 minutes before I even started on his hair.  He claimed that all of the brushes were too hard and that they always hurt.  He would even ask me what number he had to count to in order for me to stop brushing his hair.

I'm typing this in the past tense because this all changed over the holiday season.  My parents came to visit and like always, they brought things back that we accidentally left behind during past trips.  This time their G-Diddy brought back a brush that I forgot years ago that he happened to find in my old room.  Even though it was mine, I left it so long ago that my son sees it as G-Diddy's brush.  Now I can tell you that this brush is the biggest one in the house but most importantly it is indeed the hardest brush we own.

Even though this brush is the biggest and the hardest, Darren always requests it and NEVER complains while getting his hair brushed anymore.  Not that I missed the whining, but one day I just had to ask, "why don't you complain anymore about getting your hair brushed?  This brush is the biggest and the hardest?"  Without blinking an eye, my son answered, "because it is G-Diddy's brush!"  I may be looking too deep into this but what instantly dropped in my spirit was that some things are easier to tolerate and deal with when you know where they come from.  You see, G-Diddy is my son's best friend.  He admires his G-Diddy.  He looks forward to spending time with his G-Diddy.  Most importantly, he trusts his G-Diddy.  Clearly if G-Diddy gave him something - it can't be that bad!

What if we applied this simple logic to our relationship with God?  We all go through tough times, deal with things and people that are unpleasant and straight up dread having to handle certain responsibilities.  Sometimes we get hit with something out of left field that just seems so unfair and leaves us in total despair.  It is natural to get anxious and become scared or fearful when we find ourselves in the middle of a tough time, but this is where faith has to step in.  We have to trust that if God allowed it, He will see us through it.  We have to trust that if He brought us this far, He isn't going to leave us.  We have to trust that if God did it before, He will do it again.

I'm so thankful for my son's relationship with his G-Diddy and I am so thankful for my relationship with God.  Now if I can only convince my son that G-Diddy also wants him to be patient with his baby sister...

Thank You Daddy Bob!

I grew up surrounded by men who worked their fingers to the bone to support their families.  I have never understood when an able-bodied person said "I can't" or "I don't know how" and never tried.  It is no secret that I'm a daddy's girl but I'm going to take it back just one more generation. 

 As a little girl I would see my grandfather's picture in newspapers, I would admire the countless awards he received throughout the years for his athleticism or entrepreneurship and I loved to go to his printing shop to look through photo albums and get a coca-cola that still came in the glass bottle.  I knew he was well-respected in the community and I remember watching him one evening as he cashed my cousin's paycheck out of his own pocket because the bank had already closed.  He never missed a birthday, holiday or a wedding for any of his children, grandchildren or great grandchildren.  I am so thankful and proud that he was in charge of printing my wedding invitations and programs and that he was the one who blessed the food at the reception.  

At 94 years old Robert T. Wade still got up and went to work everyday, entertained guests for weekly games of pinochle and dominoes, taught Sunday school, and never met a slice of cake he didn't like.  He always told me that I didn't have a choice but to be special because my birthday is in September like his and to always live life with purpose because the minute you stop will be the minute you start to die.  He would sing to my oldest daughter, play golf with my son and I am so extremely blessed that he got to hold my baby girl this past summer.  I still laugh when I think about him calling me on my birthday this past September.  Thank God I still have the voicemail.  I didn't recognize the number but of course we talked once I realized that my 94 year-old grandfather had a cell phone. 

He left us on March 22nd and we said goodbye to him this past Saturday. It was absolutely one of the hardest things I have ever done.  There was one moment at the burial where I looked around at the family and thought "wow, we are holding up pretty well."  As I watched my uncle receive my grandfather's retired flag from the U.S. Navy I had another thought.  "Why am I surprised? We know what we are made of.  This may be tough and take a while to even sink in but we are his legacy."  Daddy Bob, because of you we are here and because you were a man of great character, integrity, compassion and strength you will never leave our hearts.  Thank you Daddy Bob, we have no choice to but be okay...no, not okay...extraordinary because that is all you ever showed us.  I love you. 

Buy Them Some Diapers!

There are times when we think life is unfair.  It is in these times that I think back to one of the most challenging times of my life.  I wanted to have another baby so bad and I had two miscarriages back to back.  I remember being in church one Sunday just praying and crying out to God.  There was someone in my life who already had several children and had just given birth to another baby.  I knew the ins and outs of her life and I just couldn't understand why she was having babies and I wasn't.  I remember bitterly saying to God, "She can't even take care of the kids she already has!  I'm married, both of us have full time jobs, we can afford this.  She can't even buy her baby some diapers!"  Just then, I heard God's voice as clear as ever.  He said, "well then buy them some diapers!"  What?  No, that couldn't be what I heard.  The more I tried to ignore what He was saying, the more He said it.  With all the confusion in the world, I went to the store, bought a big box of diapers and anonymously left them on her doorstep.

Shortly after that I suffered my most frightening miscarriage of them all.  I had an ectopic pregnancy that caused my left fallopian tube to burst.  It was then I realized that God didn't tell me to give her some diapers so that I could have a baby.  He told me to buy those diapers because He was interested in growing my character.  God loves us and wants to see his children happy but seeing us grow up is much more important.  While I was getting prepped for surgery (they had to go in and remove my left fallopian tube completely) I had another talk with God.  "Dear Lord, if it is not in your plan for me to have another baby will you please take the desire out of my heart?  Until then, I will be happy for everyone else and not worry about myself."

Five months later I found out I was pregnant with my son.  He is now four years old and more amazing than I could ever ask or think.  His sister was born 15 months ago and when I tell you that God showed up and showed out with His blessings...I mean it.

We will all face trials, tribulations and situations that we think are unfair.  Your cousin may have an amazing marriage while yours is under construction, your co-worker may get the promotion you were both after, your neighbor may have a brand new car while you're waiting to get yours out of the shop, your friend may be able to have Sunday dinner with her parents every week while you have to visit yours in the hospital, you may be in a season of hardship while everyone else around you is on a winning streak.  What do you do when these things are beyond your control?  You keep walking, put one foot in front of the other and get ready for YOUR blessing...and in the meantime...buy them some diapers!!!  God is faithful.

Don't Look Both Ways!

Even though I have been driving my own car since I was 16 years old, the same man who taught me how to parallel park still takes every opportunity to let me know how I can improve my driving skills.  The last time my father came to visit he gave me some advice on my parking.  "You know Puddin', you only need to pay attention to one side when you're pulling in.  You either make sure you are okay on the right or you make sure you are okay on the left.  You don't need to pay attention to both sides.  If you are fine on one side then pull on in."  Ever since he told me that back in December I have become much more confident in my parking.  Like he advised, when I'm turning my wheel, I just pay attention to one side...if I'm fine on that one side...I pull the car on in.

Life is a lot like that.  When we try to pay attention to too many things at the same time we can end up all over the place and possibly crashing some things along the way.  If the goal is to move forward daily to get closer to our destination we better learn how to pay attention to one side and keep it moving.  If you are trying to advance in your career you need to keep your eyes on your projects and not look over at your co-worker who is always goofing off.  If you want to lose weight you already know that you need to keep your eyes off the cookies - the fruit is THE OTHER WAY.  If you are working to strengthen and maintain your marriage then it would be a great idea to keep your eyes on your mate and not on the people urging you to move on.  If you are working toward your financial freedom, why would you watch the home shopping network?  

It seems all so easy but we are also so very easily influenced.  There is no doubt that there are many times when the surprises of life catch us off guard and we have to change course, pick up the pieces and adjust our focus.  These times are guaranteed and when they come we have to face them head on.  I'm not writing about those times.  I'm talking about the times when you have made a decision.  The times where you not only map out your life in your head but also deep down in your spirit.  It is in those times that it is important that we pick a focal point and stick to it.  

If you have decided to go get your degree, why are you worried about people who waste all of their days away?  If you want to buy a house, why are you still looking at the apartments section on Craig's List?  If your goal is to be a better spouse or parent, why are you breaking your neck to attend all of the weekly Happy Hours?  Stay focused, stay encouraged, stay the course and most importantly - don't be double-minded.  Live your life with true peace.  Decide what you are going to do and do it.  Take the keys, get behind the wheel, put on your seat belt, look in the direction you want to go and pull on in!!

It's Mother's Day... but It's So Much More

Mother's Day means so many different things to so many different people.  Mother's Day can be a day of pure excitement filled with breakfasts in bed, gifts, phone calls and the ever-important social media post.  It can also be a day of mourning for people who have lost either their mother or their child.  It can also be a day of indifference for people who don't have a mom to celebrate and couldn't care less about a biological clock or any other kind of clock for that matter.  Just like many other days on the calendar, Mother's Day is what you make it.

I am blessed.   I have an amazing mother, one amazing grandmother still living and another amazing grandmother who has already gone to be with the Lord.  I also have a husband who has taken all of the kids somewhere to leave me alone to do whatever I want to do with both of my hands for the next several hours.  While I know that I have so much to be thankful for, I have also lived long enough to know that not everyone has the same story and that in everyone's life there is always room for improvement.  Mothers are known to go above and beyond everyday to make sure that the people entrusted to their care have everything they need.  These 24 hours are set aside to celebrate us, but I have another challenge for all of us out there.  What else can you give?  

I know... it sounds crazy and downright absurd to bring this up today but I'm going to press my luck.  Is there something else that you can give to your children, your life partners, yourself?  Do you spend so much time "producing" your digital life that your children always see you with your phone in your hands?  Is it time to finally write all of your goals down on a piece of paper and go for them?  Is there a vice that is keeping you from being in the best health of your life...that could ultimately keep you from your children later in life?  Is it time to face fear head on and "do it anyway?"  Only you know what you want out of your own life and the lives of your children.  Only you know what you have to give, what you have to give up and what you have to look in the face.  

I don't have to explain to any mother out there how important it is to "walk the walk" as opposed to "talk the talk."  Our children watch every single last one of our moves.  They will either mock or mimic it as they get older but they are definitely paying close attention.  What legacy do you want to leave to your babies?  If we look to other people to make this day special for us we will always be left just a tad bit disappointed.  Yeah he got the purse but it wasn't the right color, your best friend forgot to "tag" you when she was giving her Mother's Day shout-outs, they cooked dinner but you really wanted to go out, the kids are still fighting (don't they know it's Mother's Day?)  

So for the moms that are being celebrated, the ones that are still waiting and hoping to be celebrated, the ones that don't have a mom to celebrate, the ones that can't wait to be celebrated as a mom, and the ones that wish this day would just go away... make this day and every day a personal holiday.  Challenge yourself to look within, take inventory of what is working, what isn't working, what could work better and adjust accordingly.  We can all celebrate Mother's Day if we look at it as a day of self-care, self-nurturing and a day to give more of ourselves.  

I could go on and on about the benefits of changing your perspective...but I think I'm going to take a nap.  I am taking my own charge to make the most out of this day and everyday that follows and I encourage you to do the same.  Happy Mother's Day to us all...now get out there and enjoy it...or lay down...yeah I'm going to lay down.