Dear, Tristen / Love, Mommy

Dear Tristen,

It has been 12 years since you changed my life forever.  I remember that Sunday evening in 2001 like it was yesterday.  After a few scares and a rough start you quickly became the love of several people's lives.  I wish you could have seen your dad almost get thrown out of the labor and delivery room.  After telling two nurses and one doctor that they weren't doing their jobs right they started to lose their patience with him.  Things haven't changed...even all the way back then he felt like he was the only one who knew how to take care of his baby girl.

We were only 19 years old when we found out you were on your way and had barely turned 20 when you entered our world.  Your daddy always brags that he was the first person to hold you but I also remember the first time they put you in my arms.  I had to have an emergency c-section because your heart rate was not where it should have been.  Because of the medicine I was on and the medicine you were on, I couldn't hold you until you were almost 2 days old.

Your grandma (MaMa) was right next to me when they gave you to me.  I was fine until you made a noise.  As soon as you started wiggling too much and started making noises I handed you right off to MaMa.  "Here, mama" is what I said.  There was so much I didn't know and I knew she would know how to handle it.  I say all that to say that I knew my mom had my back and I hope you know that I will always have yours.  While I have to face the fact that we are staring your teenage years in the face, I also know that I probably only have one more year of you really listening to what I have to tell you for a long time.  In honor of your birthday, I have thought of 12 things that I want you learn, remember, pray about, take to heart and LISTEN to.

1. Stay true to yourself.  As we get older, we tend to doubt what we were taught, what we believe in, what makes us happy and what brings us peace.  I am not saying that you shouldn't leave room to grow - but what I don't want you to do is change who you are based on what is cool, sounds good for the moment or what is easiest.  You are a smart, good girl who loves the Lord.  If you remember that - you will always be okay.

2. Never Settle.  Your life and everything you have to offer is priceless, precious, special and uniquely yours.  You can always demand the best because we have raised you to always try and give your best.  Don't let anyone tell you what is good enough for you.  You make the rules.

3. Take your time.  Sometimes we get caught up in how crazy life can get and we think we have to do everything RIGHT NOW.  That is simply not true.  You don't have to make any moves until you have peace about what it is you want to do.  If you feel rushed...it probably means you need to take even more time to figure things out.

4. Your education comes first.  You have always worked hard in school and we expect that to continue.  I know that before long (if not already) somebody you think is special will start to grab your attention.  I definitely know what it feels like to have a serious school crush and they can be fun.  Just remember that you can't list your crush on college applications and they can't help you secure your professional future...no matter how cute they are!

5. Don't sweat the small stuff.  A lot of things that we let get us down as teenagers don't even matter as we get older.  Hard homework assignments will eventually end and you might even forget the last name of the first guy who breaks your heart.

6. Being mean is not cute.  Mean girls are just that...mean girls.  Don't let them steal any of your joy.  Trust me, I see it play out on Facebook everyday...the mean girls from school either end up seeing the light and becoming great people - or they stay mean girls and don't have anything to offer anyone anyway.  Either way, you win.

7. You have what it takes.  Don't ever doubt your strength.  You can face any challenge put in front of you if you just believe in yourself.  Even if you fail at the task at hand...you still have what it takes because you tried.

8. It is okay to make a mistake.  I used to be so scared to make a mistake.  I thought I had to be perfect to make sure the people that were supposed to love me kept loving me.  Babygirl this couldn't be further from the truth.  The people who are supposed to love you will NEVER stop loving you.  I have definitely stumbled some through life but MaMa, G-Diddy and Uncle Shug have yet to give up on me.  That is the exact same support system you have in all of us.  We value everything about you and will always be here.

9. Tell the truth.  It may not always be an easy thing to do, but telling the truth always works out better in the long run.  Just think about how much MORE trouble you get in when you try to cover something up.  The outcome is never good.  Like I have always told you...I can only successfully go to bat for you if I have all the facts.

10. I am smarter than your friends.  Even though it may seem like your friends have all the answers...they don't.  They are the same age as you so that means that they know exactly what you know or even less.  Don't believe the hype.

11. Don't get in the middle of other people's business.  As Christians we are taught to care about the welfare of others; and we should.  There is a difference between praying for someone or helping someone in need and being in the middle of he-said/she-said gossip.  It is a waste of time and serves absolutely no purpose in your life.

12. YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL.  As you know, I think you have the most beautiful hair, skin and shape any girl can have and I need you to BELIEVE that.  But more importantly, you are beautiful inside and out.  Your spirit is beautiful, your heart is beautiful, your mind is beautiful and your love is beautiful.  You are my favorite person and I mean that.  It is an honor to be your mother.

It is no secret that your father and I have a great relationship and have always put you first in every co-parenting decision that we make.  But I think it is also fair to say that it has never been that hard because you are just so easy to love.  Thank you for giving me the best years of my life.  I am already so proud of you and I look forward to seeing your impact on the world.  I am sure we will fight about clothes, grades, curfews and dating in the near future so keep this letter some place safe and pull it out whenever you need a quick reminder of what you mean to me.

Tristen Hayli Sanders...Happy Birthday!!

Love,
Mommy